Trans Coming Out

It is the "T" in LGBTQ. What is it all about? It is about gender identity and gender variance. It is most easily explained as feeling as if one is trapped in the wrong body. Can you imagine how you would feel if you were supposed to be the gender you are not? That is how a trans person feels every day. A trans child will not necessarily grow up to identify as gay or lesbian although that assumption is often made. Gender variance is often obvious when the child is very young. If not accepted and supported within the family and community some cues and behaviors may recede in the public sphere, but the inner struggle of feeling as if one has been born to the wrong body will continue. If you are a pioneer in the reframing of coming out then celebrating the awareness of a trans person's coming out puts you in the ultra-pioneer category. Be proud of that, as you nurture and validate your trans person and know that each step you take in this arena makes the world safer for them and a better place for all of us. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, "A child's awareness of being a boy or girl begins in the first year of life. Their gender identity is stable by age four and they know that they will always be a boy or a girl." Trans people have the experience, every day of their lives, of being trapped in the wrong gendered body. Unlike the coming out of the lgbq person which often happens in later school years and anywhere during the adult years, you may be called upon to recognize and support a trans person in childhood. You also may have that opportunity to support an adult who has, for very good reasons, tried to hide that part of her/his self until this moment. And you can be the support that is needed. Provide unconditional love -- love that is offered regardless of biological gender or gender portrayed to the world, while you acknowledge and support gender identification, be it through name, clothing, occupational and recreational interests and so on. You are stepping into a wonderful ally role. Many are confused and links are provided help you become educated and informed. Ideas are provided about what to say and do.

More Inspired Responses

Here are ideas. Choose words appropriate for the person, the setting and your relationship. You are giving the message that it is right and important to be who you are. Be joyful.   (Click "To Say & Do" on the menu bar for more information)

A celebratory remembrance of this time of allowing outward awareness and identity to be in synch with inner knowing will be well received.   (Click "Cards & Gifts" on the menu bar for more information)

A gift that is personalized will honor -- whether one is four or forty, how exciting it will be to receive a shirt with one's new name across the front? The possibilities are endless so proudly label the hat, the jacket, the ornament, the banner, the nameplate.

Clothing and accessories that recognize the identified gender -- that is the gender newly displayed to the world but always felt by the trans person. The more gender specific the item the better -- make it feminine or make it manly, just make it fit with this new world.

Create photo displays of the person living their affirmed gender. Respectfully take away the old ones, at least for the time being. Let the transition become stable and then have a discussion about those old photographs with your trans person, being respectful of their wishes.

Greeting cards specific to their new status will bring welcome relief and happiness. Cards that include the terms "son", "daughter", "niece", "nephew", "sister" or "brother" will be valued.

Personalize by inscription, a religious or spiritual book for your trans person. A book that has spiritual meaning that carries your message that you love this person while connecting that love to their larger belief system will be treasured.

Food can always be fun and celebratory. Personalize a cake with their new name, a batch of cookies, each with their name, placemats with their name and name tags at their place. Make it fun and make it real -- their name tells them you see and recognize them for who they really are.

Start a blog and write about your experiences with your growing trans awareness, inviting others to learn along with you.

Journal about how you feel, waking up this morning as the other gender. How will you cope, adjust, use public restrooms, dress, feel? Imagine that you are stuck there.

Be an investigator and discover what local schools, churches and communities offer trans children and trans adults. If it isn't adequate, what change would you like to see. What will you do?

Attend an event in your community that supports trans people. Use a search engine to discover what is happening in your own neighborhood.